I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
