So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
