I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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