Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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