I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
