woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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