No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
