Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
