Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
