pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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