I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize