Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
