...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
