Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
