do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
