omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
