Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
