But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
