The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
