I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
