what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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