Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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