Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
