wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
