did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
