It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
