And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The power of my boobs compel you
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
