Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
