Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So vagazzling was a success
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
