it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
