Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
