wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
