...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Who did Billy Mays play for?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize