I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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