I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
