I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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