he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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