my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just high enough for therapy.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
And then my night got REAL pukey
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
