someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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