my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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