What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
