If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
