I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
