Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
