Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
