This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
