This girl is more easily done than said...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
