I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
