oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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