Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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