Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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