hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
