you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize