in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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