we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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