May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
