did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
