the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
