Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
