You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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