i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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