We're like a lot better than the average bears
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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