Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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