So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
