like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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