i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
