she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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