i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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