franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
