He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You smell like stripper and shame
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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