he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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