In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
