I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize