My hand turned me down
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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