How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize