I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
