Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You ate ashes out of my bong
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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