What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
