I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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