Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
