Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
