i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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